My Mom

Dementia is often regarded as an embarrassing condition that should be hushed up and not spoken about. But I feel passionately that more needs to be done to raise awareness, which is why I became an ambassador for the Alzheimer’s Society.

Kevin Whately

September 2020…. I’m just now making this post public. I want to edit and modify this, but i wont. It still holds today… My father has since left us. I love him and my mom, and cherish every moment together. During this crazy time, it’s something we need to do.

February 2015 ~ This, my friend, is something that needs to be said. It’s not a new thought or understanding, but I need to say it out loud – My Mom has Alzheimer’s. I am not ashamed nor in denial. I accept it and will embrace it wherever it leads. But I can’t and I won’t. She is my Mom, and always will be.

It was a few years ago that our family realized the inevitable was happening. A disease that afflicts so many other Americans is now something we live with. I am angry. I am angry that I can’t do shit about the ills of the world, and most importantly, the ills of my mother. Angry that my Mom will one day stop being my Mom. I’m angry for my Father. His bride of 54 years is slowly slipping away from him. He will stand tough as he always has. I wonder though what Mom will start thinking.

She has a unique knowledge that can’t possibly be shared with anyone. We can understand the mechanics and all but any pretense that we truly understand is hogwash. We notice slight changes, a lost thought, an odd question, a new behavior. I wonder what she will notice. Is the thought in her head the same as mine? Does it match reality? I know there is conscience thought but I question it’s meaning, and how it will make it’s appearance. The lost thought soon never to be found. Questions and behaviors soon to be nonsensical.

But mostly I’m just fucking scared. My head says you can’t do this but that head is wrong. There is no greater challenge than what hits you straight in the ass. When she no longer recognizes my voice or my face, I think I will die a little inside. I’ll have to remember for the both of us. And I -can- do this.

Get over being angry. Get over wondering how this effects my life. Start the day with doubt but push it aside so I can function. I’ll find new ways to connect with my Mother. New ways to cope. New ways to deal with and appreciate family. Stop worrying about what was, focus on the now, and let tomorrow take care of itself. She is my Mom, and I will always be her son. And it’s not all about me. My sisters and my Father, extended family and friends… will have to be involved. And i have no doubt they will be.

I have no idea really. I want not to worry and just share the past and the present. At least this is the plan.