UGH

I sit and write this at my local coffee shop… a mere 4ish blocks away. I arrived home from work, scouted my condo, grabbed my MacBook, and walked here. Why? you ask? Well, and after you read this, you’ll understand this… EIGHT FEET WIDE!

It all started last night about 9. I was sitting quietly on my couch watching a library copy of Star Trek, DS9. The episode where, oh it doesn’t matter… Anyway, sitting there quietly I notice something in the reflection of the sliding glass door out to my patio. I turn back to look and this GIANT FUCKING BAT darted from my hallway and started for the door. IT WAS FUCKING HUGE!

Over my head it swooped! Straight for the outside. OH MY GOD, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY GINORMOUS. It bounced off the screen door and turned back towards me for it’s vengeance. I’M NOT KIDDING YOU IT WAS FRIGGIN’ BIG. Turned back to the hall way then back to the door. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! FUCKING SHIT!

Into the kitchen, back to the door, landed on the curtain rod, then back to the hallway, back to the kitchen, back to the door. ARGH! SHIT SHIT! AHHHHH! Yes, I noticed all this after I dropped down on the couch… screaming like a little school boy who just had his popsicle stolen by Sasquatch.

After barely pealing myself off the floor (have no idea how I ended up there), and three or 100 round trips of the bat, I nearly knocked my screen door off trying to get it opened. I knew it ended up in the kitchen somewhere. I scurry into my bedroom, get dressed, leave my room, close the hall closet, the guest bedroom door, the bathroom door, turn on every light I have, the celling fan in the kitchen (I think I used an eight-foot pole as I was not going to step foot in there), grab my keys, and my laptop, and out the door I go… CRAP CRAP CRAP! Forgot my wallet… I calmly let myself back in, and calmly grab my wallet on a shelf next to my patio door. (okay, I crawled back in keeping my eyes pointed directly at the kitchen.)

Now believe me when I say this…. You have those moments in life you’re not proud of, and me having convulsions on the floor over a bat just might be one of them. I thought about that as I was having a series of gin and tonics at my local tavern.

I went home, locked myself in my room, and fell asleep. Starbucks made my coffee this morning, and now… having a fine Iced Chi Tea Latte (extra spicy) at my local coffee house. If my office had a shower…. well maybe not. I’ve sorta resigned myself to NOT be there more than 40 hours a week.