A final note about 2020
A long rambling post without much point other than to say what’s in my head. It’s the last day of the year and it seems appropriate. 2021 is a day closer. This shit being over is a day closer. If we don’t remember, we are doomed to repeat.
On January 7th, I got my Passport for an expected trip to Australia. I was excited and both Mom and Dad were excited for me to go, but it took them prodding me for months before I said yes to the trip. Almost every phone call Mom would ask, When are you going? April! Ticket was purchased all things GO! I was excited.
On January 12, my Dad died of Acute Myloid Leukemia. A crappy start to the year. Both him and Mom were living in a little two bedroom assisted living unit. He sold the house pretty quickly after being diagnosed late 2017 and moved to a independent living community. After a few short months there, he realized that my Mom would need more care than he could give. She has Alzheimer’s and with his AML starting to take effect, he just couldn’t physically make sure all her needs were taken care of. So they moved over to the next building where Mom could get the oversight she needed. Dad was still pretty independent… new drugs came along, and his AML slowed down. Side effects were minimal and he even went into slight remission on the new drugs. He had a few close calls with infections, but always bounced back. He was on so much medication he couldn’t keep track, so he left that to the staff… When he could, he still went to the grocery store, met for coffee with his buddies, mostly normal stuff. I’d travel down every few months.
Mom was doing well until she broke her other hip comming out of a dark movie theater, early 2019 I think. She moved over to the rehabilitation unit and after a few weeks was almost back to normal. Dad’s memory and mental state began to decline further. Mom was Mom… Her alzheimer’s was progressing but me not being there, I never witnessed it first hand. But I knew what Dad had to deal with.
She always wanted him close to home. I can’t explain it, but it was hard to tell who took care of who more. Mom doted over him daily and always gave him the support he needed. She did what she could. Dad knew what his future was. When he was diagnosed the doctor point blank said 3 months. People his age did not survive this and the normal chemotherapy would kill him faster than not doing anything. He didn’t accept that, they found new drugs, he fought for the chance to use them, and after 2 1/2 years he was still plugging. Until he wasn’t. He didn’t die in the hospital from some massive infection. He went quietly in his sleep, his hand reached out for his wife. Mom lost her husband of almost 60 years.
We immediately moved Mom into the memory care unit. It was a good and easy transition for her. We started doing all the things needed when you lose a parent. My Aunt and Uncle lived in the area and we relied on them heavily to help out. They’ve were staunchly effective. Visiting my Mom almost everyday, calling always, and making sure she always had chocolate. Taking her out for dinner and a rum and coke, bringing her to their house for dinner… There are no greater folks than they are. I owe them more than anyone could imagine.
Fast forward to March… Covid-19 was taking hold. I had a trip planned to see my Mom. My office was in the midst of a move and we were quickly packing up the old office. The night before I was to leave, states were beginning to shut down. I reluctantly canceled my trip. The next morning I got the word. Mom was on lockdown. No visitors.
New Mexico had no outbreaks then but the western states learned from the east coast. If you don’t do something you will be in a world of hurt. My company, at least internationally, started to close offices. When hospitals and clinics started to limit patients in the US, our office followed. Limited schedule in unpacking at the new office. And shortly, Colorado went on lockdown. My office went 100% WFH, and all travel was canceled. No Australian trip.
We haven’t yet buried my father. States lightened up mid summer, but no one in my family wanted to travel. My office began limited occupancy but no one wanted to be there. It was OKAY hanging around a limited group of friends but anything else seemed reckless. I pretty much hunkered down. I still went to the office but no one was there. Still went out to eat but only to places that were empty. A few car rides to the mountains, but even felt guilty doing that. People became a barrier to life.
Here comes the holiday’s. No office Trick or Treating, no Thanksgiving turkey, and then December 14. My Mom tested positive for Covid. ShIt fUCk DAmN! It was all I could think. Didn’t care how or why because none of it made sense. All I knew was they were testing her again to make sure… Wednesday, December 16 the second test came back. Positive.
She wasn’t sick, maybe a bit out of breath, maybe a bit of the sniffles, but that wasn’t too abnormal. They moved her to the “Covid” unit. Which she’d been to before… they changed their Occupational therapy unit into the covid unit. She still had her own room and staff worked with her everyday. Being an occupational unit, they rehabilitated folks back from whatever ails they had. It’s where she went after she broke her hip. A text from the director wanting to know what Mom’s occupation was… Secretary, and Mom of course. She wasn’t getting worse, still no symptoms of the deadly pandemic. Still in good spirits. Still not 100% sure what was going on.
Soon they moved her back to her normal room… Still no signs of anything wrong with her. Still mostly healthy.
December 28, vaccines arrive! All the residents get the poke. Could not have wished for more. Two days later all the staff get poked.
So Fuck 2020! Cannot say it loud enough and that’s my feeling. I am certainly thankful I have a job, I have my health, and I have my Mom. I haven’t seen her in 11 months, but I talk with her weekly. A quick hello on the phone or FaceTime. I’d rather just sit next to her even without a hug. If she wasn’t 600 miles away, I’d be the guy sitting outside her window every day. It sucks that I lost my Dad this year, but it sucks worse for her loosing her husband, and then not seeing her kids for so long. My Aunt and Uncle visit and knock on her window often, but I’m sure she also misses the trips out for a bite to eat and a rum and coke.
The year ends. Yes it was a shitty year, but I’m glad I’m still here. I’m glad my Mom is well.., I’m glad my sisters are heathy… I’m glad my Auntie and Uncle are healthy. Let us all hope that 2021 we can be normal. And let’s all hope we ALL do the best things to make that happen.
Take Care, and Be Well.
