Goodbye, Mom.

I’ve always loved this song. Long before my Daddio died, and long before Mom. But this week I understand it a bit more. My mother died on Sunday, and she’s now with her Husband. As much as I hate that she’s no longer with me, I understand. It’s not easy, but I understand.

A week prior my sister and I did get to spend her 85th birthday with her. We sat in the sun, we had cake, we were just together. We played music and sat around while she napped. She had a rum and coke, and some good coffee from Dunken Donuts, two of her favorite things. And we were together.

We left not really knowing if it would be our last visit. I said goodbye in the morning, and gave her a big hug. Mom was Mom, I told her I’d get back down soon, and that I loved her very much. She said softly “Love you too.” and smiled.

By Saturday, I was back in my car. Arrived and went to see her. She still had her smile, but it was different. She couldn’t get many words out, but I knew what she was saying. Whispers of conversations had long ago. I had fewer words. I just held her hand as she napped. Called my sister so she could say good night. Another smile from Mom. I gave her a kiss and hug, and said I love you. So many times I’ve said those words, and that day they were no different, I think. I meant them always, but each time I said them they did mean more than the last. I realize that now.

Sunday morning, I woke up not knowing what the day would bring. My sister, Pam, was arriving soon from Las Vegas. A trip for her husband’s birthday cut short. I got showered, and had some coffee, and made my way back to Mom. I was not feeling rushed or had any sense of urgency. I was there, and Pam would be soon. I sat next to her bed, holding her hand, and tickling her toes.

My phone pinged me, Pam’s flight landed. My Auntie and Uncle were waiting for her. I wiped my mother’s lips, she opened her eyes, looked at me and smiled as best she could.

My last words to her were that Pam’s safe on the ground, she’ll be here soon. I love you, and Pam loves you. I kissed her forehead, and she slipped away to be with Daddio.

Love you, Mom.

Going Home, Going Home
I am going home.
Quiet like some still day.
I am going home!
It’s not far just close by,
through an open door.
Work all done, care laid by.
Never fear no more!
Mother’s there expecting me!
Fathers waiting too!
Lots of faces gathered there!
All the friends I knew.
I’m just going Home!
No more fear! No more pain!
No more stumbling by the way,
no more longing for the day!
Going to run no more!
Morning star lights the way,
restless dreams are gone.
Shadows gone! Break of day!
Real life has begun.
There’s no break there’s no end!
Just living on.
Wide awake with a smile!
Going on and on! (Going on and on)
Going Home, Going Home!
I am going home!
Shadows gone, break of day!
Real life has begun!
I’m just going home.

~William Arms Fisher